love strangers

after coming back from the phone answering position, the dilemma between money and conscience torn apart on its own. at the end i chose conscience. no matter how i poor i get, i'm not going to sell my soul for money (for whatever soul i have got left). i only wish the business was appropriate. if so, i don't mind trade my health and youth for money.

right after the informal interview, i met up with a guy of the same province. i rarely know him. i don't tend to take any advantage of him, and he doesn't take advantage of me. we each had two beer and poked some jokes to overshadow my problems buried underneath. i drink and i laugh; i love alcohol and i love strangers.

2 drinks + 1 dinner + 1 stranger = help me get by.

a foolish teacher, a big-time philosopher, and a bold student

Background: the teacher was quoting a big-time philosopher: “one cannot possess the air, but one has to possess land” to amplify the pains that the Jews experienced.

1. the statement does not say a specific piece of land. i can stand on this very spot in my living room, but i can also stand in the bathroom. The Jews can live in the land of Israel; they can also live in Europe, Africa, Asia, etc.

2. it has logical error(s) in the statement: a) if "possess" is referred to ownership, the 2nd part of the statement has error: yes, a person cannot own air, for there's no market place to buy the air. but one does not have to possess the ownership of a land in order to stand upon it. b) if "possess" is referred to "occupy", the 1st part has error: yes, a person must occupy a land because the person's feet are set upon the land, but at the same time, one has to occupy air for one’s nostrils are set upon the air.
the 2 entities, air and land, are equally important. the philosopher was just trying to exaggerate the importance of land as humans often fight for land. and the fact that the air is free and invisible causes people to agree with the philosopher's statement without a second thought.

Note: I am not antagonistic toward the Jews. What disgusts me is some foolish teachers who like to impress people by quoting rhetorical thinkers, and when confronted with formal logics, they further embarrass themselves by accusing the student of being assertive.

defining oneself

background: "before 1948, jews had no country to refer to, and thus can't define themselves."

if one was to define oneself, he/she does not need the concept of nation to do so because it's the personal values that distinct one from others. one might ask, does nation shape individual's values at all? i argue it's the family and surrounding people/experiences that shape the values of individuals. Mrs. Thatcher once said "there is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families." nation is a made-up concept that people imagine in their heads. thus, nation, the imaginary concept, has little/no impact on individuals.

although families, friends, and experiences are more accurate means to define a being than the notion of nation, it wouldn't be convenient to use such measures as it'd take hours to talk about families & experiences. therefore, we need a noun, in this case, a country name that is known to people.

thus, when it comes to defining oneself, it is the convenience of communication that people need a country (or a country name), not the accuracy of truely defining oneself.

the ultimate bond

the more i think and pursue knowledge, the more i feel the limit of my intelligence, and the more i sense that there's an ultimate equation/explanation that will explain all the mysteries of the universe. i believe there's an ultimate "bond" that links through everything, and our job is to find that bond and figure out what it is.

come and go

waste when able as it's expendable
mourn when gone as it's with you no more
what perishes returns
what's here eventually vanishes
let be eaten alive by time
let be indulged in delusions
let not regret
let go as time flows

no one else

Margaret Thatcher: "I think we've been through a period where too many people have been given to understand that if they have a problem, it's the government's job to cope with it. 'I have a problem, I'll get a grant.' 'I'm homeless, the government must house me.' They're casting their problem on society. And, you know, there is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families. And no government can do anything except through people, and people must look to themselves first."

k: "And you know, there are no such things as society and family. There are only independant individuals, and people must look to themselves first cos really, there's no one else."

the list

brilliant brits: thom yorke, radiohead, black box recorder, nick drake, sarah brightman, enya, dido, pink floyd, gorillaz, simon cowell

fabilous franch: emilie simon

amazing americans: david byrne, korn, iron & wine


welcome to complete the list

p.s. more simon: simon vs. old witch, too old to be a barbie, sweetheart, that's how you lose your money

yeah, fuck me

Youth has long passed. time is flying by soundly.

Energy and hopes assemble to accumulate so they may eventually evaporate.

Addicted to what we do, the way we live.

Halleluiah. try to be thankful for …............whatever.

Find a hope, try to believe in it, fall back on it.

Utopia – a deceitful place where we blow our colored bubbles, and watch them explode.

Create reasons to conceal the essence of deeds.

Keep it up, everyone. nice job so far.

Madness or happiness – what we perceive the world is the only thing that matters, not the true nature of world.

Enlighten me by deleting files in my brain.

God, tell me

god, tell me why
1. i was born the way it was
2. i was raised in such a family
3. the brain works the way it works
4. you generously offer freedom but define certain choices sins. wouldn't it be better if there weren't freedom? wouldn't it be better if we were robots?
5. people become "bad". who's responsible for their "badness"? who's to blame for the way we think? who's to blame for the way the brain cells work? do we have a choice to think differently? do we have a choice to be born with a different brain? do we dominate the brain, or does the brain control us?
6. we need to sleep
7. there is greed
8. we suffer
9. you punish the rest of human beings for adam's and eve's fault
10. you didn't destroy the devil before creating humans
11. you never answer me when i call you
12. the world is the way it is
13. people cry
14. people laugh
15. i'm numb

god, tell me
how long i'll have to live like this
how long the world will last like this

god, omnipresent god, omniscient god, tell me, tell me all

self

self only self
no family no parents
close ears unplug the phone
no hard feelings only self indulgence
be be who i feel to be
love only love who i choose to love
now only now not moments ago not later
no past no future yes now
i i'm the one with great mind
i i'm the one with no mind
let them go and i'm a free girl
free to be free to go
it's all indifferent shadows